I first started compiling this long list back in August 2013 and they always made/make me laugh my head clean off.
Like the guillotine.
Just clean off. 😯
Any how, I figured I might as well get over myself and take all the credit for finding these gems and editing them to my pleasure.
Last sentence was kinda stupid, but yeah hope you enjoy sucka! 😛
1. Do you annoy people as a hobby, or is that just your personality?
2. I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed. (For you Shakespeare lovers.) 😆
3. Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. Make your carbon footprint smaller and SHUT UP!!!
4. I see you’re playing stupid again. And you’re winning.
5. How is it that you manage to carry your enormous ego up the stairs?
6. Would you like a side of EPIC with that FAIL? (For all you MMORPG addicts.) 😎
7. Let’s play a game!! You go underwater and I’ll count to one million! (For all the swimmers out there.) 😀
8. How bout you slip into something a little more comfy for both of us…like a coma?
9. Bitch, you’re like Mondays. Nobody likes you. (Cliche, I know) 🙄
10. If you were a game show, you’d be called No Deal. (OHHH.)
11. If someone said that I wasn’t cool, I’d say, ’Cool is another word for cold. Hot is the opposite of cold. So if I’m not cold, then I’d have to be hot. So thank you.’ (You know you can pretty much pull this trick on any word, so word) 😐
12. Hide! The garbage truck is coming! (clearly a Sesame Street reference)
13. You warthog faced buffoon! (Used this before, dude laughed at me) 😳
14. You clattering collecting caliginous clutter of uselessness!
15. You son of a motherless goat!
16. You, my friends are not only physically repulsive but intellectually retarded.
17. They should have put you in a jar glass on a mantlepiece. Shame.
18. You are a sad strange little man. and you have my pity.
19. Boy, sit your $5 dollar ass down before I make change! (I used this once, and I got laughed at) 😡
20. If I wanted a joke, I’d follow you to the john and watch you take a leak. (OH SNAP) 😈
21. When I think of myself as a person, I think of a man and take away reason and accountability.
22. I don’t give a shit about your idiotic conundrums. (true, true)
23. Ugh, you baboon faced bastard!
24. You tiny brained wiper of other people’s bottoms!
25. Well aren’t you just a cookie full of arsenic!
26. You cantaloupe! (a little on the slow side there) 😕
27. You are clearly a wart on the nose of humanity.
28. You degenerate! (straightforward now)
29. You foul loathsome evil tiny cockroach!
30. You remind me of sweat from a baboon’s balls. (descriptive!) 🙂
31. You malignant little ooze!
32. You know in the whole vast configuration of things in the universe, I’d have to say you’re nothing but a skirty little spider
33. What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything resembling a rational thought. Everyone who heard you has now become a little dumber. May God bless your soul. (I also used this once, and I subsequently ran into a door) 👿
34. You must be the arithmetic man. you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. (for all you math nerds) 😮
35. I never forgot about the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying. ❗ (KO)
36. He/She got her good lucks from his/her father. He was a plastic surgeon.
37. Well, thanks for dinner. I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
38. I’d slap you, but that might make you look better.
39. It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with Poseidon’s fucking trident. (Used this and made some grand laughs – success!)
40. As an outsider, how do you view the human race?
41. You have delusions of adequacy, friend.
42. Oh dear, it seems you have all the virtues I despise and none of the vices I admire.
43. You know, you occasionally stumble over the truth, but then you just quickly pull yourself up and carry on in life like nothing ever fucking happened
44. Somewhere out there is a tree that is tirelessly producing oxygen so that you can breathe. Sir, I think you owe that tree a big apology.
45. If I had to guess what chewbacca fucking a dead dinosaur sounded like, your music would come pretty close.
46. I could eat a bowl of fucking alphabet soul and subsequently shit out a smarter statement than that. (DANG)
47. You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
48. This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
49. You sir are as thick as a damn bull’s walt. ❓ (see Urban Dictionary’s definition)
50. You are the reason some animals eat their young. 💡 (seriously, that’s no joke – it’s on Wiki!)